Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
