When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
