I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
