I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
