u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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