Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
