I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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