roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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