Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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