so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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