i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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