I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
