I wish I could teleport
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
