Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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