..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
