addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
