They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
