I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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