Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
