wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
