Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my phone needs a breathalizer
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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