it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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