Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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