She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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