That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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