Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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