you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
