I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
