you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
