I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
