I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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