We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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