I can text with my tongue
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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