Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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