Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
