Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
There r osticjed everywhere
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
