You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
