i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
