The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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