youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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