how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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