Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
