I cannot find my penis.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
