I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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