Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
YAS. BRING CRAB.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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