she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
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