the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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