no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
