whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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