are you still at the devil's house?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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