Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
