i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
