Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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