return my video game
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
