the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
