dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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