I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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