The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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