I wish I could teleport
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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