Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
