Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
