Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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