Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
