No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
