dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
