i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
