Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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