Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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