Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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