I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
