If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
