My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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