i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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