cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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