I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
