im drinking this country out of the recession.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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