he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
