maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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