we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
