Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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