for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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