So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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