dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I want to fling myself into the sun
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
