i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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