youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
