Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
