I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
