My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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