he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
