Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize