wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
