I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
