If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
