Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
