how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
