She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
