Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
