I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
